NOT TOO LONG AGO, about 3 years back to be specific I used to label my son Arjun as a LAZY, IRRESPONSIBLE BUM. Today I see him as a HIGHLY RESPONSIBLE, COMMITTED young man.
But in these 3 years it is not Arjun who has gone from being lazy to being committed, from being irresponsible to being responsible.
In these 3 years what has changed is the way I see him.
Arjun was ALWAYS that responsible, committed young man. He was ALWAYS helping his mother in the house. He was ALWAYS doing tons of household chores.
What was different 3 years back was that I WAS BLIND. I was stuck with a label – a filter in my head (lazy bum) through which I used to see him. And through that filter I never saw the real Arjun. I only saw him playing games on the phone, watching TV. And that made the filter only stronger.
That filter blocked me from seeing who Arjun really was. The sensitive man he was becoming.
If anything Arjun has changed from being responsible for himself to being responsible for the environment. My friends know he has gone vegan. What most people probably don’t know is that he cooks ALL THREE meals himself so that he is not a burden on his mother.
He even orders his ingredients online himself, he cleans the veggies himself, and till we got a maid again recently he used to wash his cooking utensils himself.
When I look back on how I saw Arjun back then I realize how stupid I was. I told him, “I am so sorry Arjun for seeing you that way and for being such an ass.”
Over the years I worked on myself and I gave up my way of looking at him. I opened my eyes and started seeing what my eyes were showing me but my mind had blocked out.
When I share this story with my clients they too notice what they are blind to, what they are not seeing, how they are seeing a distorted version of their children (and their spouses and their bosses and their parents and their siblings and their friends and their relatives and their colleagues and their governments!)
You see when you become aware of your blind spots, it’s not just ONE thing that changes in your world.
Your ENTIRE world changes.
very insightful.. but what made you remove the filter ? how did you come to the realization that you have filters on ?
Sajid.. I just became present to the truth of life.. that there is no real truth.. there is only how YOU see the truth. You just have to become aware of this from time to time in each of your relationships, including the one with yourself!