A complaint can be defined as
“Something is not the way I want it to be”.
Notice.. I did not put it as
“Something is not the way it is supposed to be”.
Because the way it is supposed to be can be different things for different people.

Take the statement,
“My daughter’s room is messy”.

Consider this, there is no particular way that room is supposed to be. There is only how me as a parent wants it to be and how she as the person using that room wants it to be.

When I complain that “My daughter’s room is messy” I am essentially saying that I value things being organized and this room is not the way I want it to be.

It is MY unmet need and me complaining is a highly unproductive way of expressing that need. (Unproductive because nothing is going to change as a result of me complaining.)

Complaining about something persistently is a way of expressing an unmet need without taking the responsibility to do something to get that need fulfilled.

Complaining is a very useful thing. You have to do NOTHING about the thing you are complaining about. So cool no?

I often tell my clients, if I want an icecream then I need to go get an icecream. Complaining about not getting an icecream (or money or love or respect or whatever) is not going make it fall out of the sky for me.

it was September 2001, I had just joined this small ad agency Euro RSCG Advertising in Chennai; they were operating from a small bunglow at that time. A few days after joining, I bumped into the branch head in the coridoor and I said, “Venkat, what is this, the office ACs are not working.” (there were 2 or 3 window ACs on each of the two floors).

I still remember the way Venkat blasted me at full volume in front of the whole team, “What do you mean the ACs are not working Milind, who do you think I am, your chaprasi or what? They are as much your ACs as much as they are mine. If they are not working, go get them fixed.” And then he threw some F-bombs at me and walked away.

Served me right. In my 3 year stint at Euro under Venkat’s leadership I learnt more about responsibility and leadership than about advertising. It was in that job that I learnt that complaining or not complaining separates who is ordinary from who is extraordinary.

You see, the human mind is negative by default. It takes an extraordinary commitment and intellectual effort to overcome the complaining nature of the mind. It is difficult, but it is possible.

In a nutshell: Replace WHY with WHAT.
Stop asking, “WHY is this not the way I want it to be?”

Instead, start asking, “WHAT can I do about it?”