Are you caught up in the ‘SHOULD BE’ trap?

I was. I always felt that things SHOULD happen the way I expected.
My clients SHOULD be reasonable.
My family SHOULD be more understanding.
My boss SHOULD be more sensitive.
My colleagues SHOULD be less jealous.
The traffic SHOULD follow lane discipline.
The neighbour’s dog SHOULD bark less at night.
The government SHOULD be more effective.
The weather SHOULD be ..

Tell you what.. The government owes you nothing. Your family owes you nothing. People NEED NOT change their behavior to suit you. You need to tell yourself. “It’ll be great if things happen the way I want them to, but if they don’t, DOESN’T MATTER! My happiness is not dependent on some nutty driver changing his driving habits. My happiness is a CHOICE, not a RESULT of someone else’s action.”

When you get too attached to how the world SHOULD function, you lose focus of your own self. And worse still, the more you expect of the world around you, the more it seems to get out of alignment with your expectations! At one level, there’s nothing wrong with expectation. It’s okay to be NOT SATISFIED with something. That is in fact what propels us into improvement in ourselves and the world around us. But there is surely a distinction between SATISFACTION and HAPPINESS. You can be NOT SATISFIED and yet be HAPPY. Both are choices you make. And they CAN coexist.

So next time you don’t like the food (or service) at a restaurant, tell yourself. “I’m not satisfied, but I don’t’ need this to be happy. I have DECIDED to be happy anyway.” You’ll realize that when you relax the boundaries of your expectations, the world becomes a lot easier to sort out. Your stress levels drop dramatically. And SURPRISE, SURPRISE, you might just find that the restaurant food has become tastier, the traffic’s not a nightmare anymore, your family doesn’t crib about your late working and your BOSS just sent you on a paid holiday!

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