Admit it. We are all meaning-making-machines. We keep creating meanings all the time. And we don’t have to work too hard to do that. Creating meanings is an automated task for us.

Somebody says something to us.. we create a meaning.
Somebody keeps quiet when they are with us.. we create a meaning.
Something happens to us.. we create a meaning.
We read the headlines in the newspaper.. we create a meaning.
We watch a movie.. we create a meaning.

All these incidents lead us to feel in a certain way. We feel happy, sad, worried, excited.. Whatever we feel, it’s the meanings we create that actually trigger our feelings, not the incidents themselves. And because creating meanings is an instant automatic job for us, our feelings too develop pretty much automatically. We don’t CHOOSE how we feel, do we? No, it just happens!

Now unfortunately we don’t feel great all the time. And that’s okay. That’s part of what it means to be human. Feeling happy would have no meaning if we didn’t experience sadness once in a while. Imagine being happy all the time! That’s a flat emotion. It’s like a fairy tale without the bad witch. An action movie without a villain. Who wants that? It’s the swing in emotion – from feeling bored to feeling thrilled, from feeling sad to feeling great that gives the emotion its value.

Sometimes we feel low and we keep feeling low. We go into sulk mode. Especially when we are upset about something. Or somebody. Somebody out there made us upset. Somebody out there is responsible for us feeling sad. Somebody out there should change.

A noble thought. But it doesn’t help. Somebody out there is NOT going to change simply because we want them to. We continue to be upset, to feel sad, for hours after the incident has happened. Sometimes it’s not hours, it’s days, weeks.. sometimes it’s years!

Now think. What created the upset? What somebody said (or did) or the MEANING we created for what somebody said (or did)?
Let’s take an example.

Rajesh is upset. His boss said, “Rajesh, you missed the deadline again. That’s unprofessional.”
Is Rajesh upset because he missed the deadline?
Is he upset because his boss said what he said?
Or is he upset because of a meaning he created about what the boss said?

There’s no limit to the variety of meanings Rajesh is capable of creating about the incident. Like..
1) My boss is upset with me. Appraisals are round the corner and I’m going to miss out on the promotion.
2) My boss is heartless. If only he knew how hard I worked to get that report ready, he wouldn’t focus on me missing the deadline.
3) I missed the deadline. So what? It’s just a report damn it, not a freedom fight! Please.
4) Who does he think he is? As if he doesn’t miss deadlines. Give me a break.
5) He never pulls up “so and so” person. But he pounces on me every time I do something wrong. He plays favourites. He doesn’t like me.
6) If I miss one more deadline, he’s going to sack me. So after what I’ve done for this company, this is what it’s going to come down to. Whew!
The list can go on and on.

So what’s the meaning of all this? The meaning is that meanings are just that. Meanings.
Meanings are powerful. They have the power to trigger our emotions. In any direction.

So are we helpless in the face of the meanings WE CREATE?
The answer lies in the question.
WE CREATE meanings. In automatic mode, of course. But still, WE CREATE those meanings. Nobody plants those meanings in our head.

Which then means that if we are capable of creating a meaning that upsets us, we are capable of creating a meaning that doesn’t. How can we do that? Three simple steps:

1) Get off Autopilot.
Switch to manual control. Automated responses to life’s situations can be potentially hazardous. The operative word is “mindfulness”. Become aware of the present moment. Live in the now.
In other words, when something happens, stop action, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What happened? What am I dealing with RIGHT NOW?”
How much time does that take? Usually a few seconds. Considering that we are gifted 86400 seconds every day, sparing a few now and then shouldn’t hurt.

2) Get into “meaningless” mode.
Naturally an undesirable situation will lead to an upsetting meaning… sometimes multiple upsetting meanings.
Negate those meanings. Tell yourself, what happened, happened. The meaning of “Rajesh, you missed the deadline again. That’s unprofessional.” is “Rajesh, you missed the deadline again. That’s unprofessional.”
Attach no meaning. CHOOSE to attach no meaning to it.
With practice, this should take less than a second.

3) INVENT an Empowering Meaning.
Like “I’m awesome at my work and missing the deadline is like that fly that fell into an otherwise great cup of coffee. Unacceptable. I’ll raise the bar. No more missing deadlines, dude.”
How empowering is that?

Some more examples:
1) You lose your wallet.
Usual meaning. “How stupid of me! So much cash in that wallet. I’m going be broke by the 25th!”
The meaning you can INVENT. “Maybe a needy person will find that wallet. A person who’s already broke and badly needs that money. I feel so good for the person who’s going to find it! Anyway I’m going to be more careful from now on or I’ll soon become that needy person!”

2) You lose your job.
The meaning you can INVENT. “Sometimes you have to change lanes to get ahead. A new job is waiting for me somewhere. It’s an opportunity for me to get into the fast lane.”

When you invent a meaning that empowers you it works irrespective of whether you lose your wallet, your job or your relationship.

You can invent the life you want. By inventing powerful meanings for what life throws at you.
So go ahead. Become the greatest inventor on earth. Keep inventing.
It doesn’t matter whether the world acknowledges you for your “inventions” or not.
Life didn’t come with a rule book. The only rule is that THERE ARE NO RULES. Do whatever works FOR YOU.
Get what I mean?

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